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  • Writer's pictureDorsa Sajedi

Pitch Feedback: 'Michelle'

Abbie: Writer

Dori: Producer

Password: CARVER

Today we had our pitch-crit class where we received feedback from some of our peers. I had the opportunity to look at other peoples pitches as well, which helped me identify areas that we went wrong on, alongside areas that we did well on. The feedback that we received in this class was extremely helpful as well, and so I look forward to applying this feedback to video pitches/regular pitches that I will do in the future.

A part of me hoped that I would have pitched from an editors perspective as that is the craft role that I'm most interested in, but I do still agree that it was the best option (at this point in time) as we're only a pair and our aim was to provide enough pre-production knowledge to be able to get our project green-lit.

From a technical perspective, I should have used a camera and a more professional set-up, but my options were sadly limited at the time. Alongside this, I should have balanced out the audio when adding in our clip references, as they fade okay (and ensure that we're not wasting too much time), but I should have brought down the volume on the Marriage Story clip as it is significantly louder than the rest of the pitch. The clips themselves worked well, as we can see their body language even if we can't hear them, but then we hear elements of their dialogue which cement the points we're getting across. In regards to the image references, I should have left them on for a longer period of time so viewers could get a better sense of the points we wanted to deliver.

Focusing entirely on content, it lacked, but only because we delivered way too heavily on the theme/sexuality front. Perhaps passion got in the way, or I felt that I had to almost justify why we were changing it from 'Marian cheats' to 'Marian's prior romance to Ralph' as it was such a significant and meaningful change to make. As feedback suggested, this almost made the story and the characters seem secondary in comparison to the themes.

Another thing that we realised is that it doesn't need to be set in the 1980s, and rather, it would make more sense to be set in a more contemporary time - a time that we can relate to more as a younger generation.

Other tips I noted from feedback for others

  1. Always say whats going to happen — remember, if its an adaptation, you’re going to have to establish characters well in the time that you’ve been given as not everyone will know the original source material

  2. Make sure to specify what aspect in your references is what you’re taking away from them, but consider your references/ideas side by side to make sure they align i.e. closeups -> wide-shots, jarring in the edit? consider.

  3. Continuing from the point above, make sure your references are relevant and tell people how it is relevant — but try to choose references that 'tick more than one box' in regards to relevance to your piece.

  4. Try showing examples from your own work as well as other films — its a demonstration of YOUR skills, i.e. this is what I can do.

  5. If it's personal, say so — that’s a hook, it shows that nobody can do it better than you.

  6. Be wary of how you show your ‘passion’ - show, don’t tell.

Overall, although I'm aware of the faults in this pitch, I feel that I have improved from previous pitches. This might be because it was to a camera, rather than a group of people in person, but I was able to speak confidently and I'm proud of this personal achievement. I look forward to seeing how things go from here.

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